Category Archives: Uncategorized

Get right back on…

via Daily Prompt: Avid

 

We got our youngest a new bike.  Lovely little purple thing with flowers on it…  Her kind of thing, found a bell we’d bought ages ago of a little ladybird and plan on decking it out with handlebar streamers & a wee basket at the front.  Also discovered she’s finally grown and her old toddler helmet is finally too wee for her!  So that’s on the list too..

She didn’t go on her old bike very much as she had an incident when she was just starting off and ran over the cats tail.  The cat promptly went full honey badger and did some crazy back bending to bite the wheel!  Like right through it to the inner, that was a job to patch up!  This bumped her confidence a lot and she was too scared to go on it for a while afterwards.

So fast forward to yesterday…. Got it all made up for her the night before, stabilisers on, height ready!  We decide to take it out for a ride.  Started heading to the station, the plan was a wee ride to start her off.

(Turns out the stabilisers were on the wrong place and kept knocking out of position if she hit a bump or kerb.  She was not deterred though & I had a wee multi-tool with me to keep tightening it up when needed.)

We get to the station, to discover the train had been cancelled due to signal faults and being the 2nd last station on line and a Sunday.  I didn’t hold out much hope for a train coming soon.

Soooo, change of plan…  We were both pretty peckish, so decide to ride to the wee cafe we like in the Vale to get some brekkie/lunch!  We don’t do brunch, that’s fer flouncy folk.  Anyway, she ride the whole way there.. I’m super impressed by this, since it is really her first time on a bike doing all the work herself and managing to turn the pedals, which with her tiny legs was a bit of a problem on the old bike!

She gets her roll & sausage and manages her toast too, which is a feat in itself due to her minuscule stomach.  Then we decide to keep going, all the way to the park.  She does it too, then round the park and a jump around play too…

By now it’s almost time for dinner, so we head off up the road towards Balloch!  Trying to decide between McDonalds or the Queen for our nosh…  McD’s looks mobbed and full of people, which sends us onwards to the Queen of the Loch, for some well cooked proper food!

We meet some friends, she has another run about in the outdoor play area and then…. Then the littlest tyke continues to ride her bike back down to the station to get the train (which are running again) back to the Vale, where Daddy picks us up and gives the wee one a lift home!!

She is now an avid cyclist!  I’m so proud of the wee yin, especially since her stabiliser kept giving out on her and she would loose her balance.  She fell once, which did happen to be while we were crossing the road at some lights!  But no one beeped, they waited patiently till I got her up and moved to the pavement.  She was a wee bit upset, but she got right back on!

A whole day cycling on her first go!! Three mile trip…

I’m uber impressed with the wee sod.

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Not a chance…

imagevia Daily Prompt: Unravel

Apart from being one of the cutest games I played last year, what else would the word unravel mean to me?

I suppose if I wanted to sound Emo, I’d go on about how my life was so difficult and I was hovering on the brink of utter breakdown.  However, though I may at times go through tough patches mentally. I don’t really ever feel like I’m totally falling apart.  I guess I kinda always assume things will work out…  A small part of me might feel like everything is unraveling, but the majority rules and tells it to shut the fuck up!  I can’t and won’t allow myself to break!  I don’t think I will anyway!  Sure, I have black periods, times when I can’t deal with life and it starts getting to me.  But, I have two emotionally secure & happy kids.  I won’t damage them with my issues, I know a big part of my damage comes from my parents and my shitty childhood.  Same as their fucked up parents messed them up.  The cycle stops with me…

I’m honest with my kids, they know I’m not like other mums.  That I sometimes need to be left alone & not be touched.  They understand that if they leave me for a little while, then I’ll be back again.  I don’t mean I leave or abandon them.  I’m still here, making food, cleaning house, doing homework, all the day to day mum stuff.  They know that my inability to be touchy feely does not mean I don’t love them. It just means that contact can be hard for me.  They are the cuddliest kids I ever met, and they have helped me overcome some intimacy shite I had.  I’ve realised that their company is different from others.  The midge for instance will just sit beside me and put her hand on my head or snuggle in to cuddle my arm & I love it.  The boy will randomly come up to hug me when we pass each other.  They have become my anchors.

So I don’t think I will unravel, because I have them.

Share Your World

Since I’ve been away for a while, I’m kinda uninspired on what to write about.  So I reckon some challenges will get the creative juices flowing….

To start with, Cee’s SYW questions…

Have you ever participated in a distance walking, swimming, running, or biking event? Tell your story.   Five years ago I took part in the Race for Life 5K event with my then 4 year old son dressed as Batman!  We pretty much walked it & managed it in an hour, which wasn’t so bad considering I had him on my back for most of it… Then three years ago, I did it again with my daughter who was 3 at the time.  She was kitted out with a tutu, fairy wings, sparkly boppers and the most colourful stripy tights I’ve ever seen!! We managed it in 40 mins that time, she weighs considerably less than her brother and likes to walk.  It was nice to take part in something for a good cause, but it just reaffirmed my dislike of being around large crowds of people.

Name one thing not many people know about you.  Even though I’ve been more upfront about my Aspergers over the last couple years, most people still do not know  about it.  Most of those who do know about it, don’t realise I was diagnosed when I was pregnant with my son over ten years ago.  They think it’s a fairly recent thing, since I’ve only started being honest about it.  At first I hid it, then for a couple years I dropped hints that I might be or was considering getting tested, to gauge responses & see who might support or dismiss me.  Then I just started admitting it, because I was tired of pretending.  It’s exhausting dealing with people & social situations, I think I’ve reached the age where I just don’t give a fuck if it bothers anyone..

What is your favorite flower?  I don’t actually have a favourite flower.  I suppose if I had to narrow it down…. Moonflowers, Morning Glory & any type of Blossom.

Things I want to have in my home (paintings, hot tubs, book cases, big screen tv etc)  I don’t actually want any particular things.  What I would love is to be able to fix up our home to the condition it deserves to be in.  We bought our house just over three years ago. It’s roughly about 120/30 years old and we bought it from an elderly lady in her eighties.  Nothing had been done to it for at least ten years, so we got it at a good price.  We just didn’t realise exactly how much work was going to be required to bring it back!!  We’re pretty sure it still has the original slate tiles and the decor is like the Tardis, a different decade in every room!  It’s a beautiful house, I just wish we had the money to put into all the repairs and renovations it really needs!

Optional Bonus question: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up?  The schools here started their Spring Holidays last week, so I’ve been able to hang with my kids and laze about or head out on adventures whenever we fancy.  This coming week is the last week of holiday so I get to spend more time with them..  Thanks to my family taking them separately, I also got to spend some one on one time with each of them!  I’m always grateful for that…

Why!

I discovered this evening that a friend of mine passed away today!  We weren’t buxom buddies, saw each other rarely in group settings!  She was a friend of friends & though they always made me feel welcome & part of the group I alway felt I was floating about the edges!  Not really one of them, but that was never their intention or doing!  I had kids and moved away from the area, my social ability is pretty non-existent!  They are all so close, have such strong bonds with each other, care for each other so deeply, I can only imagine how they must be feeling…  I loved to just sit and watch them interact, the comfortable way in which they would just have fun!  I envied their ability to express themselves, the strength inside each and everyone of them.  Most especially her, she was crazy, but absolutely amazing!  I don’t say that on a nostalgic speak well of the dead kinda way.  She really was & the life she had, though woefully short was full!  She wasted none of it…

I don’t understand why it hurts so much.  I don’t cry, yet I haven’t been able to stop!  There is this lump and it won’t go away!  Do I even have a right to feel like this?  Whenever we did see each other, we always had a laugh, got on well…  But, we were not considered close!  I don’t understand what I should do, why am I crying?

Why

Sorry my arse!

Daily Post: Apology!

Sorry!

It’s not a very forthcoming word is it?  Sorry…

Unless someone bumps into you on the street and you say sorry for some bizarre reason, then it comes out all on its own, no problem at all!

Why is it so hard to say for some people.  Obviously no one likes to admit they were wrong, for some they simply don’t care!  Then there are the people who just apologise all the time, even when they have done nothing wrong!!  I don’t get that either…

Myself, I’m a sorry if I’m caught out kinda girl!  Though sometimes I have been known to do it without provocation!  I don’t hear it very often though!

Personally towards me, I don’t recall it ever being a common word!  No one ever apologised for my childhood being the way it was.  According to my mother, that’s just the way it was back then!!!  🤕

I’ve been assaulted mentally, physically and sexually, yet never heard a sorry about that either…  I must have done something to provoke it!  🙄

Never hear an apology about hurtful comments, I’m just being overly sensitive…. Though how can that be, when previously I was being called insensitive.  🤔

Now to be honest, apart from teaching my children manners, I don’t really care about apologies!  It’s an empty word to me, one pulled out to appease a situation, to make one person feel better about being a dick & the other think everything is really okay!

So I don’t need apologies, I’ve done very well in my life without them!  So if anyone from my past shows up feeling some modicum of guilt, then they can take that pish poor sorry and ram it right up ’em….

 

Don’t think….

How are you more likely to make an important decision — by reasoning through it, or by going with your gut?

I’m a sudden decision kinda woman… Especially the big ones!! I always go by what I feel, rather than the logical process of reasoning!!

When the Mr & I started talking about having kids, I decided there and then to go get my implant out & start trying!! We did do some reasoning, as in the ‘can we afford to’ & ‘ready yet’ themes… But ultimately, what started out as a

When do you think we should start a family

conversation ended in me making an appointment with the clinic the next day!!

Same with when I went back to college.. Out my face at a party, I got talking to a guy who worked with computers. I’ve always been into them, but he got me hooked!! I applied to do an NQ in Computing & Programming once I straightened up to fill the form out properly… Got on it & went on to do my HNC.. I would’ve done the HND, but my usual fluffmind took over and I decided I wanted to try something else!!

Mr thought I was mental, but he’s got use to it now… All my decisions and choices are last minute, random, fly by the seat of my pants…. If I try to sit and plan things out or look into things to much I can talk myself out of it..

So the truth is, if I want to do anything… I fly in on a hopefully lucky bullet!!

Cyber Socialite

Do you feel like you “get” social media, or do you just use it because that’s where all your friends and family are?

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Do I get it… Ha, the Mr thinks I live it!!

I’m not very verbal, so when a form of communication came around which didn’t require speech I was all over it!! It was the same with texting, when it came on the scene. I could finally contact my friends without consciously ignoring the phone or trekking down to theirs!!

I started with gaming forums & moved onto messenger, then yahoo chat, then MySpace, bebo, a wonderful forum called Skyline, where I spent a good few years & made some wonderful cyber friends before it shut down.. Then Facebook, I’ve been on it for a fair number of years.. I mainly loved the games at the beginning, then I got fed up with them & moved on to other ones, but stayed with Facebook!! I have lists for friends, game friends who were restricted from everything else, family who are limited, kids who couldn’t see anything for obvious reason!! I’m a foul mouthed, ranting maniac on there!! School friends who I wasn’t sure about, old clubbing friends who see nothing personal… In fact everything is private, except to those on my special Friends lists.. These lucky people have access to everything, with some exceptions!!
I do not add people I don’t know personally, unless there is a good reason.. I only have my phone number up & viewable to people on a special list… I have albums which are public, limited & only for family & close friends… Those are the kids ones obviously… I go through my friends list & cull the dead weight fairly often, keep on top of my privacy & remove things I don’t want seen when Facebook change settings as they are often prone to doing!!

I use it to be social, to keep in touch with friends & family I wouldn’t be able to otherwise.. It improves my social life by keeping me up-to-date with events!! I do not like how it hijacks my ICal though, I don’t care about most folks birthdays…….

I have a twitter account, but have used it only a couple times, once to set it up & another to try & raise funds for a marathon I did… I only got it to follow Stephen Fry & get a wee badge for a profile pic!! It will likely wither away into obscurity, like my bebo & MySpace!! Are they even still going??

I am online quite often, at least every morning , afternoon & night! Though I can go for a few days without touching the iPad! It’s helped me a lot since we moved out here away from all my friends.. Stopped me from feeling quite so isolated when I can get in touch with pretty much anyone with a few keyboard clicks…

I don’t post pics of my dinner or constant updates of the hell spawn… It’s a Social site, not a personal journal… I use it for what it made to do… Connect to others, share my rants, bitch about morons & occasionally like a well funny pic… 🙂

Round & round the fluff brain….

I can’t sleep… Am wide awake & know that my darling little freaks will have me up at stoopid o’clock in the morning!! The thing with insomnia though, is that your mind takes over.. It likes to go over your day, things of the past, random encounters, alternative paths! No one is posting on fudbook now & I don’t want to put on a film or read my book as it’ll just spur me on to staying awake.. I get too absorbed in stories… So I’m lying in bed mulling over my weekend…

It started & finished rather well…
Yesterday I took part in the Glasgow protest against the Bedroom Tax… It felt amazing to be surrounded by so many people willing to stand up & fight against something which is just plain evil! I had someone ask me during the week… “But why bother, you don’t get benefit, it doesn’t affect you!!” That’s totally missing the point… No it doesn’t affect me, but I know those it does… I know it’s wrong, I know it’s an attack on the poor & disabled in this country, I know things have to change or it will only get worse…. …. .. until it does eventually affect me!! I don’t want to be one of those people with my head in the sand, pretending everything is rosy…
Needless to say, I was proud to walk with the people there…

I had a lovely night out with a new friend… No nerves present and strangely no preliminary bathroom check!! I had no need to check for exits in the pub, also sat with my back to the door for a bit!! I don’t know if it was to do with the place or the company or even the booze, but I felt totally comfortable.. I didn’t even realise I’d neglected my routine, till this afternoon!
I’ve noticed for a while now that some compulsions are waning, a couple have even gone & surprisingly haven’t been replaced by others!! There has been no transfer… My cleaning obsession has almost receded into a normal desire for tidiness, I’m still made uncomfortable by mess & it makes me jumpy & nervous… But the actual need to clean, to scrub down the surfaces or pull out the couch to hoover it, has pretty much dwindled!! I think I could go on a cleaning spree now, without the risk of forgoing everything else… I think I could remember to stop…

I.. ….. I …. A friend put up a post up earlier today asking what we would do if we could go back in time to see ourselves, what would we change? I did a Daily Prompt post on that very topic a while ago & stated I wouldn’t change a thing.. I am who I am through my past mistakes & sorrows!! No regrets!!
This friend & I have a history, we were young, stupid & all those flashback narrative scripts… We were close, I did care for him, though not as much as he likely did for me.. I don’t say that to be big headed or suchlike… I’m not very emotional or open.. I was even less so back then… He eventually messed around & I felt nothing!! We likely shouldn’t have lasted as long as we did… Something happened which kinda messed us both up, we fell apart, too hurt to deal with it or each other… It took me a long time to pull myself back together, to forgive myself and him!!
I have, though the only real regret I have is not being there for him emotionally, but I suppose I wasn’t even there for myself..
He is & was to an extent a great guy, a right royal pain in the arse, but a truly kind man! He always made me laugh, which was a difficult task in those days.. I now count him as one of my good friends, even though years can go by without seeing him.. His sister is my other best friend, so I always hear how he is doing and though we weren’t meant to be together, he has always had a special place, from the very first moment when he kissed my hand…
But back to my original ramble, his Facebook post.. I replied to it “I wouldn’t change a thing, but if I could go back in time, I would give myself a hug!”
I really should have included him too!!

My eyes feel a little heavier now, perhaps I’ve expressed some knots!! Time to try some sleep, before the midge wakes for her early morning demands of a bed change!! Should really stretch out to enjoy the whole bed, before dawn and the usual mass flit, which leaves me shivering on the edge… 🙂

The Joys of Easter…

Bitten off more than she can chew!

Once again Zombie Appreciation Day has been & gone..  Of course I refer to Easter…  The day the ultimate reanimated corpse came back to promote eating of the flesh & drinking of the blood!!   🙂

I actually quite enjoy Easter, as long as the religion is kept out of it.. Though that goes with most things for me… I have nothing against Faith or Belief, I truly respect your choice to believe what you will & the faith which powers many people through their lives!  I can’t stand religious dogma though, indoctrination of the masses & manipulative control which is rampant throughout it!  

It is not faith which is intolerant or bigoted, all Faith is in essence the same, some a little more, others a little less, but all come from the same place, all faith gives a purpose & little ray of hope to those who need it!  Faith is deep in our souls, ego, persona, whatever you call that little kernel of you deep inside… you may have no faith in religion or gods, no faith in spirits, magic or fantasy…. but if you have just a little Faith in yourself or in others, is that not stronger than any belief…  If you have faith in yourself, you will walk tall & stand by your convictions no matter the odds!!!  I have faith, what it’s in is no ones business!!  It’s personal to me, it’s not a god or gods or a giant monkey in the sky… It feels right to me & it comforts me when I am down.. ……  

Quit the nonsense woman!!!

Anyway, what was I on here for?  Ohhh yeah, Easter!!  The holidays are nearly over, Darwyn will soon be back at nursery, while Rowan & I transform back into Ladies of Leisure… 


Been quite busy keeping them occupied, while loaded with the flu I might add!!  Super Nanny ain’t got nothing on Super Mama!! 🙂


I am queen of the Dragon Knights, hear me roar… 

Grrrrrrr
That’s enough meandering for now, Chillax space raiders.. 

Zombies Fun

Took part in the zombie madness which is 2.8 Hours Later on Fri 30th March!! It was awesome!!  I’ve never ran so much in my life, didn’t even know I could run like that.. Amazing what fear can motivate you towards!! 


Team PJ

The actors were great, but you still knew it was an act.. The zombies though, were fan-fecking-tastic!!  You saw one & instinct kicked in, years of zombie movies instilled in me a deep rooted impulse to run like buggery… 

I lasted quite well, got caught in the park… Was plain daftness, I can’t turn very well when I run, so I flung an arm out to balance myself  & whacked the hand of the zombie chasing me… So in reality, I caught her!! Doesn’t matter though, since it counted as a hit, so bum!!!





The turned!

We made it to the final point though, in good time & were allowed access to the disco!!  After being made up as an infected human of course!!  It was brilliant, even with the rather poppy tunage, it did get better!!  




Brains….


I had a great time & headed back to my hotel with a big zombie smile on my face!!  my hotel, now that was uber amazing!!  Citizen M in Glasgow, wow…. For being so simple & functional, it’s bloody brilliant!!!!  Shower was wonderful, bed was wonderful, everything was wonderful!!!  Best nights sleep I’ve had in a long time!!  Is definitely my hotel of choice now!!!!


They even lend you a cuddly for the night!!  How cool is that??


Mr Cuddles