Not a chance…

imagevia Daily Prompt: Unravel

Apart from being one of the cutest games I played last year, what else would the word unravel mean to me?

I suppose if I wanted to sound Emo, I’d go on about how my life was so difficult and I was hovering on the brink of utter breakdown.  However, though I may at times go through tough patches mentally. I don’t really ever feel like I’m totally falling apart.  I guess I kinda always assume things will work out…  A small part of me might feel like everything is unraveling, but the majority rules and tells it to shut the fuck up!  I can’t and won’t allow myself to break!  I don’t think I will anyway!  Sure, I have black periods, times when I can’t deal with life and it starts getting to me.  But, I have two emotionally secure & happy kids.  I won’t damage them with my issues, I know a big part of my damage comes from my parents and my shitty childhood.  Same as their fucked up parents messed them up.  The cycle stops with me…

I’m honest with my kids, they know I’m not like other mums.  That I sometimes need to be left alone & not be touched.  They understand that if they leave me for a little while, then I’ll be back again.  I don’t mean I leave or abandon them.  I’m still here, making food, cleaning house, doing homework, all the day to day mum stuff.  They know that my inability to be touchy feely does not mean I don’t love them. It just means that contact can be hard for me.  They are the cuddliest kids I ever met, and they have helped me overcome some intimacy shite I had.  I’ve realised that their company is different from others.  The midge for instance will just sit beside me and put her hand on my head or snuggle in to cuddle my arm & I love it.  The boy will randomly come up to hug me when we pass each other.  They have become my anchors.

So I don’t think I will unravel, because I have them.

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