Why!

I discovered this evening that a friend of mine passed away today!  We weren’t buxom buddies, saw each other rarely in group settings!  She was a friend of friends & though they always made me feel welcome & part of the group I alway felt I was floating about the edges!  Not really one of them, but that was never their intention or doing!  I had kids and moved away from the area, my social ability is pretty non-existent!  They are all so close, have such strong bonds with each other, care for each other so deeply, I can only imagine how they must be feeling…  I loved to just sit and watch them interact, the comfortable way in which they would just have fun!  I envied their ability to express themselves, the strength inside each and everyone of them.  Most especially her, she was crazy, but absolutely amazing!  I don’t say that on a nostalgic speak well of the dead kinda way.  She really was & the life she had, though woefully short was full!  She wasted none of it…

I don’t understand why it hurts so much.  I don’t cry, yet I haven’t been able to stop!  There is this lump and it won’t go away!  Do I even have a right to feel like this?  Whenever we did see each other, we always had a laugh, got on well…  But, we were not considered close!  I don’t understand what I should do, why am I crying?

Why

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