One lump or two….

Do parties and crowds fill you with energy, or send you scurrying for peace and quiet?

Depends on the party!! I hate crowds… I have slight agoraphobia, I can handle clubs & places if I know where all the exits & toilet windows are! My OCD kicks in whenever I enter a new place… Must find all ways out and possible emergency exits like skylights, large vents..etc… I can’t have my back to the door, must be able to see it in some way! Mirrors are acceptable… You just never know when the pesky zombies might actually show up!!

I don’t like to be touched much either, I could handle it in my clubbing days as I was usually out my face & I knew pretty much everyone in the club or outdoor party.. I trusted these people & knew they had my back!! Plus acid was great for me, had the unusual effect of nullifying my crazy bits… I didn’t care about rolling in muck, or rubbing elbows with sweaty Betty’s & gurning Gordon’s… I could handle small places, cause I was small too… I wasn’t very talkative though, I couldn’t relate to people no matter what state I was in.. I could dance with you, listen to you rant on for hours.. but please don’t expect me to talk, I don’t want to talk to people..
The outdoor parties were the best, I’d disappear in the woods or fields for ages, quite possibly talking to a tree stump, thinking it was a fairy… Oh but what great advice that stump had for me!!:)

If just drinking or not as the case often was, I’d be found sitting at the back of the club, just watching what was going on, enjoying the reality show of life…. The crazy & beautiful twirls of madness on the dance floor, couples in love, breaking up & professing undying love in the space of two hours!! Watching the groupies trying to hit on the Daddy, as he was a DJ back then!! It was fun… I loved to watch!! But no talking, please don’t talk to me!! You’ll think I’m rude or stuck up myself… I can live with that, I don’t mind what you think of me, but please leave me to listen to the music in peace!!

I’m more sociable now, in that I can go to a party & talk to people… I use to find a room to hide in or escape for a while… head outside for a walk or just sit on a step… Anything to avoid actual social contact with others. I actually look forward to gatherings these days.. But I think it’s the people who make it pleasurable for me!!

I have a party this weekend & usually I’d be dreading it.. Not because of anything to do with anyone, just the act of preparation.. I’ve discovered with age, that the correct outfit is paramount to creating perfect evening!! 😉 I hate shopping, despise it… Then there is the prospect of travelling to the party… Is it worth it & nine times out of ten I would talk myself out of going!!
Not anymore! I’m excited about this party as I have been the last few!! I was shopping today, leisurely strolling through Glasgow, minus the midgets.. Just buying for me… Is strange, my impulse is to provide for my sprogs, not treat myself.. Getting a dress for the weekend, I enjoyed today!! I found the perfect dress & got a couple new games & books…
I’m looking forward to getting to the party & seeing everyone! I can talk to these women, which is strange in itself as I usually never click with other women!! I don’t fidget with them, though my eye contact leaves something to be desired, but I’m working on it!! I’m actually quite sociable when I’m comfortable… It’s weird that suddenly all these women have come into my life together & made me feel so welcome.. It’s sometimes a little overwhelming, but not in a bad way… I just get so happy about it… I thank my lucky stars I know them now, because I discovered I was actually really lonely… I only noticed, when it was no longer there!!

So some parties & crowds are absolutely wonderful & I cling onto them dearly!!

1 thought on “One lump or two….

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